I mentioned this week that I have been homeschooling since our oldest son was two–which means I’ve been homeschooling for TWENTY years. That’s a long time, and a good chunk of my life so far. Homeschooling has changed drastically over the years, and I want to share what I’ve witnessed here.

When I entered the homeschool scene in the early 2000’s, many  women were still wearing long denim jumper dresses. The curriculum choices were limited, though I’ve heard it was even more difficult to find adequate materials in the years before that. Many people were using Abeka and Bob Jones textbooks that had been created for Christian Schools. I purchased a Bob Jones preschool class set off of Ebay.

The first convention I attended was full of dress-wearing women whose daughters wore hand-made, matching dresses, and whose sons wore collared shirts and high-waisted pants with a belt. They probably drove fifteen passenger vans, too.

I joined that movement with a bit of trepidation. I wanted the freedom of homeschooling, and I wanted to be with my kids all day, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to be one of “those” homeschool families. I tried the dresses for a while, because even the young moms were wearing them—and then gave up because I felt frumpy and ugly. Interestingly, I am back to wearing dresses a lot of the time, but not because of a national movement or any convictions. I just like the feel of dresses, and I think they are more flattering on me than jeans. I haven’t picked up a denim jumper dress again—yet. 😉

I felt like we didn’t quite fit in with the homeschool families who were just ahead of us. First, I wasn’t going to be able to have ten biological children, because we had tied my tubes (due to complications) after two. I knew I wouldn’t fit in with the home-birthing, baby-wearing, pregnancy tea making, home-sewn nursing cover conversations. 

Second–even though we believe in Jesus and we read our Bibles, I wondered if we were too “worldly” for those homeschoolers. Our children hadn’t been restricted to wholesome stories about Mennonite families. The music we played in our home wasn’t limited to hymns. They had been exposed to some popular culture, too. My husband likes introducing our children to movies, music, cinematic music, and characters. He has always connected with our boys over Star Wars, Marvel, and soundtracks from popular films. I also enjoy a wide variety of music and have played all of it for our children. (Side note: one of our sons is now a Music major at Liberty University and writes film scores for fun, and I am certain that those early introductions played a role in that…).

When we first considered attending a church that was full of homeschool families (a “family integrated church”), I asked a friend who went there if we would be judged because our kids liked Spider Man? It’s such a balance, living “in” the world but not being “of” the world, and it seemed like a lot of the families around us had pretty high standards about what got introduced to their children. I didn’t think we could be like that—I didn’t think we even wanted to be like that.

There were remnants of the Bill Gothard movement in groups we hung out with. I knew of people who used his curriculum, and a few who believed that modern worship music was sinful. I bought one of Bill Gothard’s character study books, not realizing what the organization and the man stood for.

Vision Forum was a big deal back then. I saw Doug Phillips speak at one of the first homeschool conventions I went to. My husband and I listened to so many of Doug Phillips’ teachings after that. He said some good things, and then also some things that made us pause. Our kids got several Christmas presents from the Vision Forum catalog. The boys soaked up every single Jonathan Park episode and played with their Jonathan Park “communicator watches.” (Side note: We’ve since become friends with the creators of Jonathan Park, and they’re wonderful people. Doug Phillips wasn’t so wonderful, we found out…). I wrote Vision Forum an email at one point, wondering why the 18” dolls with historic names that they sold (like “Dolly Madison”) were all white. I had a black little girl, and I wondered why they hadn’t considered making a Rosa Parks doll, or a Coretta Scott King doll. They never emailed me back.

I remember when the local homeschool bookstore that bought used curriculum would no longer purchase any Vision Forum materials, because Doug Phillips’ hidden sins had recently been brought to light. Suddenly, our $40 set of CDs about creating a family legacy was worthless. I’m glad we held his teaching loosely and leaned on God’s Word more than any man’s words, or we could have been devastated and completely lost when this trusted leader in the homeschool movement fell. I am grateful we were on the younger end of homeschoolers back then, and we hadn’t fully embraced the movement. We were playing Disney music in our home and our boys had underwear with Marvel characters, afterall… 😉

A lot of families did struggle. People began to question the teachings from Gothard, Phillips, and others. I saw dress and head covering-wearing women suddenly wearing jeans at the homeschool baseball games. I watched friends cut their long hair, dye it unnatural colors, and gasp—get tattoos. 

It was like a major pendulum swing was happening. I think a lot of the homeschooled teens struggled through that time. I don’t blame the parents–they really wanted to do what was best for their children, and clung to some pretty restrictive ideals, but out of conviction that it was good for their family. The teachers were so convincing. 

I’m wary of big movements that go through the churches. When everyone was reading The Purpose Driven Life, and Boundaries, and The Prayer of Jabez, and The Shack, I stood back and watched. I’m never an early adopter of trends. On the nutrition front, I haven’t even started using stevia yet, because I’m still watching. What studies will come out? I’m cautious. (We’re using organic cane sugar instead, which, I’m sure, is 1,000 times better for us. Lol. At least it’s a tried and true form of poison. Haha! I digress).

Big movements can lead masses of people down wrong paths. Big movements can also be harmful to families. Many of those teens who struggled went to completely opposite kinds of lifestyles. I wonder if their lives had been too restricted and felt suffocating? I’ve had to unfollow some of those young people on Instagram, because some of their posts became borderline pornographic. I don’t want to see those kinds of things. Some joined Antifa, changed their gender, shaved their heads (females), pierced every part of their body that could be pierced, or started posting demonic imagery. We lived outside of Portland for the majority of our married life, and the Portland culture has embraced “weirdness” as if it was an esteemed character trait. As a Christian, it looks to me like many Portlanders call good things bad and bad things good. It’s all mixed up. Many of the teens who grew up during the pendulum swing have embraced that “weird” culture.

The saddest part, to me, is that so many of them have also given up on God. This is why we have to be SO careful to know God’s actual Word and not just man’s interpretation of God’s Word. When the “Word” that is taught to children is coated with extra-biblical legalism, it’s hard to get to know the One True God who loves them deeply. It’s hard to see that there is JOY in the LORD. 

That homeschool movement was legalistic to a fault, but also; wholesome stories were admired, family meals were treasured, sibling relationships were a priority, families did everything together, and moms carefully curated the curriculum they used. I see some good in that movement, and I’m not ready to “throw the baby out with the bathwater,” but I see good in the changes, too.

The Portland convention evolved. Where there were once jumper-wearing mamas with perfectly matching stair-stepped children in a line, suddenly, there were women in loose, natural fiber clothing with messy buns, birkenstocks, and nose piercings. Even the baby carriers changed, from restrictive Baby Bjorn and Ergo carriers to less restrictive wraps, tie-dyed or decorated with a bleach pen. The wardrobe change represented a major shift in the mindsets–homeschool moms were not tight and rigid like denim dresses any longer, they were free, open, and ready for a different kind of life. It was as if the jumper-wearing mamas were communicating, with their clothing, “We want order,” and “We want safety,” and the tie-dye-wearing mamas were communicating “I’ll do things my own way, thank you.” 

While I think the earliest homeschool families worked hard to buck the system, it seems that a whole new system emerged out of that movement. Over the years, I’ve noticed that fear tends to lead to the slippery slope of putting too much trust in a leader who claims to have the answers. People make drastic decisions when trusted leaders tell them that they will be safe if they just do “xyz.” And the masses follow, and subsequently, suffer.

There’s a new kind of fear in the homeschool world these days, and it involves moms believing they “can’t” homeschool their children, or that they need a program to tell them what to do. Many people have moved towards hybrid schools, where all of the curriculum is chosen for them, children sit in classrooms two days per week, and moms basically do homework with their kids three days per week and call it “homeschooling.” It feels safe because someone else (presumably more qualified) has chosen the curriculum, and because it’s only a little different from school. Perhaps, it feels a little easier to defend to the inlaws and nosy, inquiring neighbors. 

Even if a mom has confidence that she can homeschool through the early years without such classes, many believe that they need help, or a program, or a system for middle school and high school. The majority of homeschool moms I know are no longer homeschooling their kids by the time they hit the teen years, at least in the traditional sense. Most moms are signing their teens up for programs and classes, and all of their curriculum is chosen by those programs or teachers. The students go to classes one or more days per week and discuss the curriculum with other teens and an adult who is in charge of the class. It’s kind of like school. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wholly opposed to this kind of program, and the community that I run–STAR–functions like this in the teen years. I get to be the mom discussing books with my teens and other teens this year, though, and I’m grateful for that. It’s just different from how things used to be.

The moms of teens typically aren’t involved anymore. Back in the conservative homeschool movement days, moms went everywhere with their teens and sometimes even wore matching clothes. They were involved in basketball, baseball, debate club, theater, and they showed up for field trips. I’m not positive if the homeschool “drop off” mom is a new phenomenon because of the changing times or if it’s also because we moved across the country. Oregonians, please tell me, are moms of teens dropping them off & having little to do with their child’s education once they hit middle school, or are they still involved with their teens? 

I volunteered at a homeschool community here in Virginia for a while, and even though I was in leadership, I barely knew any of the parents. I planned activities, and few showed up–or we ended up canceling the event due to low or no participation. When I started STAR, I made it clear that I wanted it to be a community where people would “Show up” and “Hang out” and do things together. The first year, many people showed up–but not the families with teens. The second year, we had to cancel events because of low or no participation. Even though we had sixteen teens at STAR this year, my girls were typically the only teens at the field trips, and many of the moms of the teens did not come to potlucks or moms nights, either.

Do you see the pendulum swing, too? We used to have moms who were always there, maybe to a fault, and now we have moms who just don’t show up, drop off, and for the most part are uninvolved. I wish there was a balance. I think parental involvement is crucial for keeping a genuine homeschool movement going. 

The moms who lived through the big pendulum swing are tired. You can see it in their eyes. It’s like they’ve been through the emotional wringer. Often, they have adult kids who are not following the family’s values, and it causes one or both parents to throw their hands in the air and give up all of the restrictions for their younger kids. The family is in the middle of unpacking and dismantling their old belief system and determining what they really believe, and sometimes it just feels like way too much to think about. It’s easier to just give in and do what the culture is doing. They’ve lost the confidence they used to have and they feel so unsure about their ability to teach or even train their children. Now, their youngest kids sit in drop-off programs, hiding their cell phone and their feed of Tik Tok videos on their lap below the desk. The moms don’t know what to do with their kids anymore. Being SO restrictive didn’t work. Giving kids SO much freedom isn’t working either. They’re drained. I can see why they don’t show up to activities anymore, they’re just spent. 

Also, moms used to be convicted about the work they were doing in their homes. The message was loud and clear: moms should find joy in being home with their children. It was their main career, and they ought to treasure it. I don’t think it was a bad message. Nowadays, homeschooling seems to be almost like an “extra” thing moms do. So many moms have moved on to careers (while still homeschooling), masters degrees, or to some kind of online business. The need for employment may simply be reflective of the changing economy and rising cost of living. Regardless–the homeschool world is different. And, it does seem like, even moms who can stay home and devote their lives to educating their children don’t. They want more. They want extra. It’s not quite enough.

They may also question all of their previous convictions because social media has bred so much confusion in people. The messages are unclear, always changing, and truly, social media has created a wandering kind of people who don’t stand for much. 

With the loss of conviction comes a loss of community. When moms were serious about their role in the home, they got together with other moms with similar beliefs and there was a bond between them. Nowadays, it seems harder for a homeschool mom to find her people. 

Somewhere in this mix, a whole “Unschooling” movement rose up. A lot of these moms love being with their children and truly just want to teach delightful things to their kids. Some have swung the pendulum extra far, moving from an authoritarian parenting style to a child-led home, where whiners get their way and “rule the roost.” I’m not sure how child-led parenting works in a family with ten children, where each one has different opinions, but I’ll let moms figure that out. Again, there has to be a balance. Some people (few, I hope) say they’re “unschooling” when they really go to work all day and leave their kids home alone on the computer. That’s not homeschooling, and I’m afraid it gives homeschooling such a bad name.

And again, how does a homeschool mom find her people these days? When one mom is setting her child in front of a laptop and calling it “homeschool” and another is dropping off at a hybrid program and calling it “homeschool,” but another delights in snuggling on the couch and reading nature study books with her kids, where does she meet other moms she can relate to?

And yet–I see glimpses of some hope. In the midst of the tired moms and the “drop off moms” and I’m seeing a rising trend in homeschoolers who:

Are convicted about the need to stay home and are committed to it.

Want to read to their children.

Want to BE with their children.

Are careful about the media they introduce their kids to but not legalistic.

There are so many women out there who are encouraged by the ways of Charlotte Mason, and I love this trend. We also have to be careful–Charlotte Mason was a human and not God. God’s Word is God’s Word. I would hate for this movement to have a sudden and abrupt end because of wrong-beliefs and wrong-decisions. 

I’m excited about the young moms who are rising up to homeschool. When I’ve done family interviews for STAR, I have found that the moms who have four year olds, or “almost” four year olds have been the most enthusiastic about homeschooling. I love seeing their energy and hearing their visions about homeschooling. I pray it continues throughout their homeschool years. I pray that their joy is contagious and that other moms catch it.

As an “older” homeschool mom now, I feel like I have some things to share with younger homeschool moms:

• Keep at it.
• You can do it.
• You ARE qualified to teach your children.
• Don’t give the government too much information or control (homeschool families *fought* for the rights we have today, please don’t give them up so readily).
• Read good books.
• Go outside.
• Memorize Scripture, read Scripture, sing Scripture, get it in your family’s heads!
• Homeschooling is a valid career choice, you don’t have to do anything else to have value.
• Go on field trips with your kids, even when they’re teens.
• Hang out with other homeschool moms–they want friends, just like you do.
• Please stop calling hybrid programs and online programs “homeschool.” (more on that later)
• Grow a healthy and tight-knit family.
• Your kids don’t have to be busy to be learning.
• Take care of yourself, mama–so you don’t burn out, and so you can be an effective witness to your family and others you encounter. And, because you are worthy, because our really good God knit you together and knows you by name.

And more. I have a lot to share!

I would love to hear your thoughts about the changes in homeschooling. What have you seen and experienced?